Meaningful Engagement Begins with the Person

Maureen Braen

Aug 5

4 min read

As dementia progresses, many families find themselves searching for ways to make each day meaningful for someone they love.

The question almost always sounds the same.

"What are we going to do?"

It is a thoughtful question because it comes from a place of love. No one wants to see someone they care about sitting with nothing to do. There is a genuine desire to help, to preserve independence, and to make each day as meaningful as possible. It is one of the first questions many families ask, and understandably so.

Over the years, though, it has become clear that this question sometimes sends people in the wrong direction.

Families spend time searching online for ideas. They purchase puzzles, games, activity books, and craft supplies. Friends offer suggestions. Social media is full of lists promising the "best activities for dementia." Some ideas are well received. Others are quickly set aside. Before long, many families begin wondering whether they simply haven't found the right activity yet.

That may sound surprising, especially when so much of dementia care focuses on keeping people engaged. Meaningful engagement is important. It can bring joy, create opportunities for connection, and, as many families discover, even lessen anxiety. But meaningful engagement and planned activities are not always the same thing.

Some of the most meaningful moments rarely begin with an activity at all.

They begin with a person.

Think about the woman who spent years preparing Sunday dinner for her family. Helping wash vegetables or set the table isn't simply another task to complete. It is another opportunity to contribute to something that has always mattered. The same can be said for the man who enjoyed working in the yard, the grandmother who never let fresh flowers go unnoticed, or the father who could rarely walk past something that needed fixing without stopping to repair it.

Those moments carried meaning long before dementia entered the picture.

That is what can so easily get overlooked.

Meaning doesn't come from the activity itself. It comes from the role the activity represents. Preparing a meal is about more than cooking. Watering plants is about more than keeping flowers alive. Folding towels is about more than finishing the laundry. These ordinary routines reflect responsibility, purpose, identity, and love. They remind people that they still have something to contribute.

When that becomes the starting point, the conversation begins to change.

Instead of asking, "What activity should we do today?" it becomes possible to ask a different question.

"What has always been meaningful to this person?"

The answer is rarely found in a catalog of activities. More often, it is found in the life someone has already lived.

The Montessori approach to dementia care encourages us to look at those everyday moments differently. Rather than creating something new, it invites us to recognize opportunities that are already part of daily life. It reminds us that the goal is not to keep someone busy. The goal is to help someone continue participating in a life that still holds purpose and meaning.

Sometimes that means adapting a task rather than giving it up. Sometimes it means placing everything needed in plain sight instead of expecting someone to remember where it belongs. Sometimes it means slowing down, offering a visual cue, or simply allowing more time. Small changes often make the difference between watching someone do something and helping them continue to participate.

As families begin looking at everyday life differently, they often notice something else. When a person becomes involved in something that feels familiar and meaningful, the day itself can begin to change. There may be less restlessness. Less pacing. Less searching for what comes next. Something as ordinary as folding towels, watering plants, or preparing a meal can gently shift the focus away from uncertainty and toward something that feels purposeful and recognizable. With that often comes a greater sense of calm.

Perhaps that is one of the greatest lessons the Montessori approach has to offer.

Meaningful engagement doesn't have to be complicated. It doesn't require expensive supplies or a calendar filled with planned activities. More often than not, it begins by looking at the person before looking for something to do. When we understand what has always brought someone purpose, we begin to see opportunities that have been there all along. Sometimes the most meaningful moments are found in the ordinary things we might otherwise overlook.

If this article has you looking at meaningful engagement a little differently, please enjoy this complimentary Meaningful Engagement at Home handout. It is filled with practical, everyday ideas that can be woven into daily life to support purpose, participation, and connection.

My hope is that it offers encouragement, sparks a few new ideas, and reminds you that meaningful engagement doesn't have to be complicated. Sometimes the most meaningful moments are already part of the day—we simply begin to see them differently.