Listening With Love: Dementia Care That Connects

Mastering the Art of Listening: A Dementia Care Essential

For people living with dementia, listening is not optional—it is essential. The brain is already working from the moment the eyes open each morning, processing sights, sounds, and surroundings. By the time conversations begin, the mind is juggling far more than others realize. Fast-paced speech, multiple voices at once, or a noisy environment can feel painful and overwhelming. Silence, on the other hand, may be uncomfortable for us—but for someone living with dementia, silence gives space for thoughts to form and words to emerge.

Jason A. Wolf reminds us in Mastering the Art of Listening: The Human Experience Superpower that true listening is not just about hearing—it’s about presence, openness, and connection. For care partners, families, and professionals, this perspective is vital. Listening in dementia care is more than a communication skill; it’s a lifeline. It says: You matter. Your words, feelings, and presence are valuable.

Why Listening Matters in Dementia Care

Dementia brings changes in memory, processing, and communication. But what is often overlooked is how much effort each interaction takes for the person living with dementia. Imagine needing to work twice as hard just to follow a single sentence. Listening with patience and intention reduces stress, preserves dignity, and fosters trust. It shifts the focus from correcting or rushing to connecting.

This kind of listening also requires us to let go of our urge to “fix” or to fill silence. Many care partners describe feeling awkward when conversation pauses, but for someone living with dementia, those pauses are not empty—they are essential space for the brain to catch up, sort through words, and respond.

A Story: When Joy Turns into Overwhelm

I once heard a story from a woman living with dementia who attended her son’s wedding. She had been looking forward to this day with joy and anticipation. Yet when the celebration began, she quickly became overwhelmed. The band was loud, voices echoed, people laughed and shouted across the room. To her, the sounds didn’t blend—they collided. Each noise felt amplified, crashing into her thoughts until she could no longer follow a single conversation.

Her smile faded, her chest tightened, and she felt the swirl of panic building. What should have been a moment of happiness became painful. Thankfully, her husband noticed. He gently guided her out of the ballroom, away from the music and the chatter, and into a quiet corner. In that stillness, she could breathe again. Her brain began to settle. With time, she regained enough calm to rejoin the celebration in a way that worked for her.

This story reminds us that listening is not only with our ears—it is with our awareness. When we listen deeply, we notice the signs of sensory overload and step in with compassion.

Sensory Changes and the Dementia Experience

It’s important to recognize that most people living with dementia also live with some degree of sensory loss—whether in hearing, vision, taste, smell, or touch. But dementia can also bring sensory sensitivity. Sounds may feel amplified, bright lights may glare painfully, crowded spaces may overwhelm, and even once-familiar scents or textures may feel strange or unpleasant.

Everyday life can become exhausting:

• A restaurant where background music and clattering dishes blur words into noise.

• A family gathering where multiple conversations overlap, making it impossible to follow one.

• A hug or a pat on the arm that feels startling instead of comforting.

  
  

When we recognize that sensory changes are part of the disease, we begin to understand that overwhelm is not “difficult behavior”—it is a human response to an environment that has become too much.

What Listening Looks Like in Practice

So, how do we listen well in the face of these challenges? True listening goes beyond nodding along. It means adjusting our pace, our expectations, and even the environment. Here are a few ways:

• Slow down your speech. Imagine that each word has weight. Pause between sentences. This creates space for understanding. For example: instead of rushing through directions, break them into smaller steps— “Let’s walk to the kitchen… now we’ll get your cup.”

• Allow silence. Resist the urge to fill gaps. That pause may be the bridge your care partner needs to respond. When you wait, you often find that the person is gathering words—and when they come, they’re theirs, not ours.

• Ask, don’t assume. Sometimes what looks like confusion is actually clarity we didn’t give space for. Instead of deciding for them, say, “Would you like to sit here or over there?”

• Observe beyond words. Facial expression, body posture, or tone may speak louder than sentences. Listening with your eyes is as important as listening with your ears.

• Create escape routes. In social gatherings, identify a quiet space where the person can step away when noise becomes too much. Knowing there’s an option to retreat can reduce anxiety before it begins.

  
  

These practices take patience, but they also take courage—to slow down in a fast-paced world, to be comfortable with silence, and to let the person living with dementia lead the rhythm of communication.

Wisdom From the Dementia Community

As one contributor in the By Us for Us guide expressed:

“Please don’t make assumptions or speak for me. Listen to me. Hear what I am saying and don’t assume you know. Just ask me what would be helpful.”

If you’d like to read more perspectives directly from people living with dementia, I encourage you to download the full By Us for Us: Enhancing Communication Guide.

Download the Guide

A Call to Care Partners

Listening well takes intention. It means slowing down, creating quiet, holding space, and meeting the person where they are. But it also transforms the journey.

When we listen—truly listen—we are not just supporting someone with dementia. We are choosing to value them as a whole person.

We are choosing relationship over rush.

Listening, then, is not only a communication skill. It is an act of love.

Looking for support? Reach out. Let’s navigate this together.

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